Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
