I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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