I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
