I think i sorta joined a cult last night
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
