I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
