You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
