sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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