you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
