An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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