Life is so much better after having sex.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
