I could have mohawked her pubes.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
