I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
