She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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