I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
