I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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