That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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