I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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