it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
