Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
