Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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