The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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