I'm going to jail i love you
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
