apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
