all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
