did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
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