I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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