Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
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