Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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