i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
