I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
