dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
