dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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