it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
