I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
