piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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