ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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