Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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