But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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