No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I had to cum in my sink.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
