I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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