i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
