paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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