There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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