Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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