You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
