Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
