The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
