dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
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