a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You pole danced in your parka.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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