As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
