I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
