I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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