ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
